Featuring ‘He Wasn’t There’ a self-refelctive photo essay – by Berlin based artist, Hue Hale.
He Wasn’t There
The conventional identity of a young man has always been unclear to me, the identity of a young queer man holds even greater mystery. I was born in Ireland on the cusp of homosexuality being decriminalized, although attitudes were changing and becoming more positive towards the LGBT community, I was raised with conflicting ideals. These ideals have had a direct impact on shaping my identity growing up. I was never taught about how same-sex relationships should function, or how two men could love each other romantically. He Wasn’t There is a self-reflective document of key points in the lifespan and fallout of a codependent relationship. It’s told in three chapters, I: Moneylands, II: VIDEOBOY, and III: Las Américas. Through viewing each chapter in succession as a single narrative, the project shifts focus from the impermanence of a lover’s presence to that of the identity of the subject within the images.
Chapter I: Moneylands
He Wasn’t There originated in Moneylands Farm, Co. Arklow. My partner and I were going there as an escape from the city. I intended to photograph us together, the holiday home we were staying in and the surrounding area. He cancelled at the last minute and I was forced to change how I recorded my experience at the retreat. Though still in a state of content about my relationship, I photographed myself there alone and as a result, I unknowingly recorded his absence which in re-examination loomed over me for the entirety of the trip.
Chapter II: VIDEOBOY
VIDEOBOY functions as a transitional segment that helps intertwine the first and third chapters. It focuses on the shift from an isolated singular being to that of two again. The moving images were produced out of a restlessness I experienced under the strain of our relationship. Cracks were showing and we were walking on eggshells. There was a sense of dread in the air that became a near constant in this period of my life. We were approaching the end. To prevent myself from exploding under the weight of this stress, I filmed myself in the hopes of regaining control over my emotions.
Chapter III: Las Américas
In a similar vein to Moneylands , I planned to photograph us together on vacation to Playa de Las Americas, Tenerife. Everything was organized, and the trip was in sight. However,
the toxicity in our relationship permeated and as a result my partner left prior to the trip and I never saw him again. For a time after this, I felt a separation between myself and my body as I had become dependent on him for emotional support, and had drawn much of my sense of self from our relationship. To illustrate this vacancy left both within and around me by his absence I photographed myself on the island alone.
Photos by Hue Hale @huehale / www.huehale.online
